WALTHAM RECORD FAMOUS VICTORY
Compton Res 0-2 Waltham
Waltham took revenge sweeter than Numps mum in vanillia sauce on Saturday, despite missing a number of key players. Geds
split fingernail and star goalkeeper Lee Chamberlain experiencing problems resembling Fat Bastard syndrome, meant Waltham
were forced to reshuffle the line up. However, goals from Tim Bennett and the man himself Numpty Dumpty ensured the blue army
got their season back on track, and laid to rest painful memories of the 6-3 home defeat to the same opponents.
Waltham started brightly, no-one was even tempted to buy a kebab from Sams at 12.30. Once the match kicked off, the decision
paid off, the blue army began to toy with the opposition, putting together the sort of quick one touch passing football that
Chris Billy himself would envy.
The Blues dominance soon came good. Midway through the first half, Bennett decided to stop lying on the ground admiring
his keg-pack, to slot home from 6 yards after good work from Linford Christie on speed lookalike Richie Parrott. Parrot
senior looked on from the touchlines with pride.
Half time saw the introduction of our Northern wonderman, and how his mother would have loved to witness this boys performance,
almost as much as this reporter would have loved to distribute the video of Numps Mums performance last night. More on that
next week.
Waltham wrapped up the game and a fine three points, Nump getting the winner after more creative genious down the
left from out Stewart-Parrott combination. A fantastic win for Waltham. Finally, lets all laugh at Bronco Snax,
who must have been on some kind of drugs to conceed defeat to a rampant Ordnance Survey B, yes... B.
Bronco Snax 0-2 Ordnance Survey B
CROWD TROUBLE AT REDBRIDGE
Crowd trouble marred saturday's game with A.F.C Redbridge. The trouble came after a racist comment was made by striker
Sam Hornett about a Redbridge fan's haircut. This resulted in a mass brawl with some of the travelling Redbridge fan's.
The police have said they will be investigating the trouble after one Redbridge fan claimed he was assulted by a comb
and some hair gel, this is believed to come from striker Sam Hornett.
WALTHAM 1 - 4 REDBRIDGE
The Blues went down to an in-form Redbridge team, conceeding 4 goals in the last 20 minutes after Bennett had given Waltham
the lead
WALTHAM V REDBRIDGE
Match Preview
The mighty blues go into Saturdays game against high-flying Redbridge undefeated for two games, and with a point to prove.
Waltham are without left footed legend Rich Parrott, who will be away watching a fairytale 2-1 Pompey victory
over Chelsea,but have tempramental striker Sam Hornett on the bench as cover for when Flumadopolous falls over and has to
leave the pitch to re-do his hair.
Redbrige visit the Botley Theatre of Dreams top of the league, and Waltham will have a hard task to perform if they are
to get anything from the game, but are fired up on the back of last weekends wonderful display. The return of goalkeeper Lee
Chamberlain should help Waltham pull off a famous upset, but only if 'The Mighty Minge' refrains from trying to
pull the nearest fat bird whilst trying to claim a cross. As a precaution, Big Bird has been banned from the game. See you
Saturday, come on you blues!
TEAM: Chamberlain, Perkins, Giles, Smith, Skelding, Walsh, Scott, Harling, Stewart, Mordecai, Bennet. (Hornett, Brierley,
Loosemore)
MORDECAI CHASING RECORD
Bishops Walthams borderline transsexual Flumpadoupolous has expressed his desire to be granted Brazilian citezenship.
His remarks come as a result of his showboat display in the 2-2 draw with Bronco & Snax that Ronaldinho himself would
have been proud of, and will no doubt lead to an appearance on Soccer AM, and possibly You've Been Framed. Should this bid
be successful, not only will the northern marshmallow be Walthams second South American player, after Joe Lopez Perkinez,
but will become the first Brazilian footballer ever to wear a pink shirt in public without it being a joke, or some kind of
corporal punishment. Congratulations go to Flump for this prestigious honour.
WALTHAM DENIED 3 POINTS
Waltham 2 - 2 Bronco & Snax
Inspired performances from future England internationals Scott and Giles were not enough to see Waltham home, in what
was a highly entertaining match at the Estadio de Botley. despite moments of what can only be described as sheer briliance
from the Blue Army (the unbiased match report was unavaliable), the tie was dominated by both defences until, with 20
minutes remaining, gender-confused winger Flumpaldinho rifled home to break the deadlock. Benno quickly restored the advantage
after a 'sloppy' Bronco equaliser, before Bronco snatched a draw from the jaws of defeat. It was a hugely positive performance
from the Blues, however, and the team will look to carry the performance into next week and throughout the season. The day
was made even better, incidently, as Southampton squandered a 3 goal leed to lose 4-3 against Leeds.
GOAL OF THE MONTH RESULT
It has been decided that Tim Bennetts winning strike against Braishfield should win goal of the month for October. Apart
from a few votes for Theirry Hengee, all votes cast went to the Welsh forward. Glamour model Cheryl Foreskin will time
out from her long standing threesome relationship with Dick and Ed, to acompany Tim on a date to The Shed, and is said
to be delighted at the result. However, there are strong rumours that Poolnerd has hired several hitmen to take out all three
lovestruck players. Full story to follow on Monday.
